Time for another rant about my ex (plus all the other “guy in my life”)
So, we like up a month ago, but I’d have to say, officially yesterday. The whole friends thing wasn’t working for me. It put me in the wrong mindset. We still talked and I literally felt that we were still in a relationship. I thought that we’d get back together or some shit…but it was clear that that wasn’t his intention. So yesterday I broke it off for good. Why am I at fault in this situation? Why does he like hate me now? I hate to admit this because i still don’t like talking bad about him but it was pretty selfish of him to want to keep me around, even though I kept telling him how much it was hurting me. I’d always just want to tell him how much I fucking miss him and I’d find myself having to swallow the “I love you” that threatened to surface. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t. To like, be stuck on him like that. It’s like, he doesn’t want to be with me, but he doesn’t want me to love anyone else. I don’t want him to love anyone else either. Like, just the thought makes me want to cry. But also, I was sick of wanting to cry after every conversation too. How he’d say things like “I don’t have to pay for you anymore” or “I don’t have to drive you anymore” all translated to “I’m off the hook.” It literally felt like everything he ever did for me was out of obligation, not because he genuinely wanted to make me happy, which is what I believed. It’s like he was just playing the role of good boyfriend. Despite all that, he
was is an amazing guy and I’m going to miss him so much. Of course I feel empty. For two years he was my everything. He literally was the best thing in my life and I’m glad I can look back and smile at what was…but I also have to accept that we’re not getting back together no matter how much I want to. We’ve hit that “I want my shit back phase” and it sucks because this isn’t a side of him that I know.
But anyways, on to the next. I’m not going to name him but this right here is a problem. I knew him from a previous circumstance and kept in touch with him shit got real when he told me he had feelings for me I had a boyfriend then so of course I was like “nah” but now that I’m single he jumped at the opportunity which is wayyy to hasty like he knows I just broke up with my ex. I thought he was kind of cute though so my friend convinced me to “give him a chance” so I did but this is like going nowhere I am completely devoid of feelings right now and I told him and he CONTINUES TO SEND ME GOOD MORNING TEXTS. It literally kills me I don’t want anyone else showing me affection shit. I really don’t know how to make myself any more clear at this point but this needs to like stop seriously. He’s being nice to me and stuff but Nah I’m not ready. I don;t want this kind of tie to anyone dammit i don’t know what to do.
Okay, I’m done ranting I just wanted to narrate these unfortunate events.
When beauty begins from the heart, the deaf will hear and the blind will see.
trying to argue with someone over text is like being italian and having to talk with handcuffs on